All about Miriam :)

I’m back on public! (I was on private for a while, but can’t be arsed staying that way)

There seemed to be an unusually whimsical fallout to a blog I had written a while ago (read it here), which features an assortment of mixed-nuts courtesy of my ex-roommate. One day she stumbled across my blog, found a reference to herself, and promptly flipped out in such an immature and juvenile manner that, naturally, I have to poke my finger at and say “ha ha ha ha, you can’t handle anything written about you!” You can read all about Andrea’s POV here.

First, a disclaimer: I’m not riled up by any of this. I find most of this quite amusing, because she simply can’t handle it and has taken such an aggressive stance that I must be a liar. I know that every story has two sides. She refuses to accept mine as having the slightest shred of truth. Such a one-sided point of view is perfect for mockery and ridicule. I also waited until now because I didn’t want to involve Magda in the bitch session that is likely to follow, but now Magda has left, so the gloves are off!

So here it is!

My friend Magda was supposed to stay at my house for 8 days. Miriam says yes, no problem. Miriam reads blogs. Miriam angrily calls me while I’m in Ireland and says “no la quiero” a few times and threatens to call the police on Magda if she arrives. Oisin switches into 3rd person POV to be comical and promptly goes into damage control. By the end of the next phone convo, Miriam has 180’d her derriere (I hear she’s fluent in French), and Andrea and I spend the next few days laughing at how badly she has taken this (especially since I wasn’t really bad-mouthing her in the blog, but was using my extraodinary powers of self-deprecating wit – god I rock).

Now, the rest is what I’ve been told from Magda who has now arrived, but Miriam was originally thought to have had OCD, but I’ve now upgraded her to Paranoid Personality Disorder and is totally nuts. And two-faced. And probably incurable. And by the sound of things never liked me in the first place and has just used the blog as a catalyst for finally having something to bitch about. But she’s a forerunner for the bitter and angry cat-lady that the kids in the street avoid.

Miriam then tried to sweet-talk her way into Magda’s world, without realising that I’ve known this girl for years and we get along great, so Mim was heading for a world of embarrassment. Which is exactly what happened. Mim feigns dumbness and tries to get Magda to explain a few things in English, then starts badmouthing me on everything she can think of, from me being lazy, living off my parents, getting money from the government and not doing anything, not working, and now communicating to the roommates only through notes (that may not be her, but one of the other roomies, but I’ll clarify in the next paragraph).

For those who care:
Being lazy – guilty as charged. Duh.
Living off my parents – here? I don’t receive a cent from my folks. So – totally not true.
Getting money from the government – true. Now, ALL Erasmus (aka exchange students) get a government fund to the tune of €700 a month so that they can support themselves while abroad. I’m not collecting that, because I’m on a different system, but I’m getting something similar.
Not doing anything – I travel and I write and I explore the world around me. I do my girlfriend when she lets me and make dinner once in a while. Last semester I took salsa dancing classes, tried learning Italian, and have a good time with friends. I’m doing exactly what I want to do, which is probably why she’s jealous.
Not working – true. Except for the whole writing thing which I’m sure one day will make me richer than JK Rowling (I’m not deluded, I’m just optimistic :) ). I make ends meet without working and I don’t feel like a bum. I’M LIVING THE DREAM!
Communicating through notes – we had to leave before anyone was awake so that we could fly off to Ireland, and with a lot of info coming their way it was easier in note-form rather than waking them up. But it was all reminder info, nothing new. Since the debacle they’ve been ignoring us which suits me fine, since I’m trying to pretend to study. Remember – lazy.

A little about me: I’ve had some of England’s finest soldiers shout at me to get my ass in gear and not to leave my SA-80 (the British military rifle) on the ground, then they made us walk through an icy river in November where our balls shrivelled up to an unblogable size. I told the prettiest girl I’d met that I was crazy about her knowing full well that she was about to shoot me down and that we’d still be friends. I later had her boyfriend tear me a new one which was probably the scariest thing I’ve had to endure. I went skydiving and never felt the andrenaline kick in. I’ve lived with the worst of the worst of roommates in Madrid (not my current digs) and nothing will ever compare to discovering that people you live with have had sex in your bed, in your roommate’s bed, have stolen money from roommates, changed the locks without telling anyone, then locking everyone out of the lounge and other such pleasantries. I can psychologically torture people from half way around the world until they poop and cry (I’m gifted :) ). I also describe myself as cuddly.

So, an immature 23 year old who is on a ranting bonanza doesn’t faze me in the slightest. But she does deserve to know a thing or two about the world that she has yet to learn.

Now, dearest roommate, you are likely to be reading this and feeling a wee bit cross right now (your English is perfect, I remember you telling me). You have serious anger issues. Not quite Christian Bale on the set of Terminator, but more like a 6 year old who is used to getting her way all the time. You are very moody. You ramble on when you talk, refuse to let people disagree and you don’t take criticism well. You’re wired to the moon (ask an Irish person what that means, or leave me a comment and I’ll explain it slowly with picture-cards).

I will now try to explain the meaning of the blog in question (those who don’t want an English lesson by a twat, I recommend watching the Diversity clips on youtube from Britain’s Got Talent – they’re really quite good).

Oisin gets told off by roommate, doesn’t care.
- Take this literally. I did not care.

I was busy making myself a coffee this morning,
- the machine was busy making me my coffee, I was busy waiting.

spilt some water on the table,
- it was not a few drops, but maybe two tablespoons’ worth.

neglected to clean it up,
- it’s true.

and was ritually summoned
- here I’m being amusing with my choice of words within the English language. It really means: you called me down from my room while you were in the kitchen and showed me the mess I had made.

and castrated over this water (castrated may be hard word to use, but this is how my delightful girlfriend feels happened to me)
- read what I wrote in the brackets. I did not care about having to clean this up. I made the mess, I’m fine with cleaning it up. My girlfriend just did not like your approach to calling me down and thought as though you were walking all over me (which means that you believe that you’re the boss and that I should do whatever you say).

so I cleaned it up and promptly did not care.
- true.

I'm easy going
- I am. (This means that it is easy to know me, easy to like me, I don’t worry about the unimportant things and am quick to forgive and forget. As a result, I have retained my youthful looks despite my incredible age).

and live with an OCD roommate (Miriam)
- I used your name to help clarify. This probably pissed you off more than anything else, but clarity is useful in blogs. Now, only 5 people read my blog. One is my girlfriend, two are friends in America, one is a friend in Australia, and one is a friend in Japan. Only my girlfriend knows you. No one else cares. And they don’t know you. But chances are more people will be reading these blogs thanks to your immature behaviour. I bet that sucks, doesn’t it?
- OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This is not simply a compulsion to clean and keep things tidy (although I used the term here jokingly because you got me to clean something up right away – it’s what the English call ‘humour’.) I have friends with OCD, and cleaning is not always the thing that is compulsive. I have noticed over the months that you have certain habits which are odd. You re-wash dishes (probably because we don’t clean them properly, so thank you), you move things of mine in the door of the fridge (my coke, my milk, my orange juice) because that’s not where they belong, you hoard and hide things in your cupboard that should belong to the household (herbs and spices, the washing powder, the cooking pan that’s in your cupboard, toilet paper, the chopping board – plus, you don’t share those things), the slightest of things bother you and quickly lead you to anger, when you are angry you don’t calm down for a really long time (you were angry at me about this blog for 2 weeks now). You are easily excited as if you have just had too much sugar. You are aggressive when things are not going your way, and instead of calming yourself down you make things worse. You also have extreme rigidity and are very stubborn, you have an inflexible attitude about values and your own perception of what happens and what doesn’t.
- I also used OCD as a generic term for some kind of nervous and social disorder (I was too lazy to look up all of your compulsions and tendencies on google – I’m insightful but lazy). You are rude and instantly angry, you demand to have your way all the time. You are either very quiet when people are around you or very talkative (to the point where you’re dominating and people have to leave the room because it’s not a conversation, it’s Miriam talking talking talking). You don’t confront people until you are so angry at them that you are shaking. You would not allow me to explain until you had ranted yourself to where you had to repeat yourself because you had run out of things to talk about. When I was ready to explain you ignored everything that I said. You don’t forget all of the little imperfections that your roommates have, and you notice those details and remember them all. You have complained about the landlady, the business downstairs, all of the kids in the park and the loud cars out the front, complained about Jorge, Ángel and your boyfriend while in front of me, and you have remembered all the little problems that I have caused you. You have admitted your dislike for Lewis Hamilton and the English (Miriam – I’m English. Queen Elizabeth II rules.). You insulted South Americans in front of my South American girlfriend. You have a deluded sense of control. You can not see these faults in you. You can’t see the forest from the trees. You angrily and compulsively defend yourself against anything said about you, but you do it for so long that you reinforce the idea that you are nuts. Instead of talking to me about any of this, you ignored me. You are 100% convinced that you are right and that I am 100% wrong. You decided that you were the boss of the house and did not want Magda to move in after you had agreed that she could stay, and the only reason is because you did not like what I wrote about you (that is very childish). You walk all over your boyfriend. When Magda tried to say something in my defence you immediately ignored what she had to say, as if she was lying, so clearly you only want to hear what you belive is true.
- You may have Paranoid Personality Disorder. The symptoms include:
- People with Paranoid Personality Disorder develop a pattern of mistrust and suspicion of others. These individuals assume that others will exploit, harm or deceive them with little or no evidence to support their fear. These individuals are preoccupied with unjustified doubts regarding the trustworthiness of family, friends and acquaintances and have difficulty confiding in others, often finding hidden meanings that they feel are insulting or threatening. When they feel disrespected, they will counterattack with anger and will bear grudges. In order to protect themselves, they will:
* Try to have control in their relationships
* Be critical of others
* Have great difficulty in accepting criticism of themselves

- When you, Andrea and I had the fight in the kitchen, I noticed a number of things. Firstly, I said ‘hello’ to you, you first ignored me and then made some comment under your breath while leaving the kitchen (“I just want to slap you in the face.”). That was not mature. I was being civil, you were not. And if you really think that my girlfriend was going to let you get away with that, then you will end up crying (which happened, as you can’t control your anger). If you wanted an intelligent discussion about what was written about you, still being angry after almost two weeks and not having the maturity to at least say ‘hello’ shows me just how naive, insecure and immature you are. You instantly started shouting at us. You shouted at me twice over the phone while I was in Ireland. You shouted at me again for the same thing while we were in the kitchen. The whole fight was you shouting at us (where Andrea and I did not care), but you weren’t saying anything intelligent or coherent. When you had stopped I asked you a couple of times what you wanted me to say. I was hoping that you and I could finally talk things through like adults. You instead rolled your eyes and ignored me. 6 year olds do that. So clearly you didn’t want me to say anything, but also you only wanted to shout at me. Miriam – I am still laughing at how immature you are and how ridiculously you react. You shouted at me until you cried your eyes out.


who Andrea suspects is on her period (I'm dating a classy one, aren't I?).
- This is a joke at Andrea’s expense. Not yours. The ‘who’ is you, M. She thought you were moody because of your period. In the brackets I have used sarcasm, because Andrea is not classy (think of all the elegant women in gowns and evening balls – those are classy ladies who are careful with what they say).

This ritual summoning bothered Andrea a lot more than it did me.
- True and literal.

She thinks I'm being used, bossed about, and that I'm not standing up for myself.
- ‘Being used’ means that you are dominating me to do what you want done, especially if I don’t want or deserve it. To stand up for myself means ‘to defend myself’.

As I tried to explain, I don't need to pick a fight about something as frivilous as a few drops of water on a table.
- This reinforces that I was okay about having to clean up.

But Andy also thinks that I'm now Miriam's bitch,
- This does not mean that you are a bitch. If you have complete control over someone, then they are known as your bitch. It’s a popular term. It does not insult you, but insults me, since I’m the one who is under control.

whereas it's nothing of the sort.
- it means that I am not your bitch. We found that out when you called me while I was in Ireland, calling me a liar and that everything I had written were lies, that you did not want Magda in the house, that I did not have the right to give her a key, and that if she arrived you would call the police. Two hours later you had changed your mind, and all it took was a 13 minute phone call.

Should Miriam have a go at me for something far from fair, she will quickly find that whatever phantom power she had over me is nothing more than a puff of smoke that has now gone.
- literal and proven. See the comment directly above. As soon as I stood up to you, you backed down, going from “I will call the police” to “okay, she can stay”. You made a big deal of the ‘phantom power’, but the main point of the argument was that I was okay about cleaning up my mess. You also thought that you had the power over me to force Magda out of the house, that it was YOUR house, despite saying that she could stay there. Miriam, you have never had any power over me. You were a whiny twenty three year old on a tantrum and it didn’t work. It’s also not your house, it belongs to la casera. You are a guest in the house.

But also I'm out of here in 6 weeks, so it isn't likely to happen.
- I was being optimistic.

Andrea's also miffed
- miffed means annoyed.

that they left the kitchen untidy yesterday,
- that was true. I clearly remember, because it was untidy when I was making my coffee.

forcing Andrea to clean their shit
- shit means stuff, in a very casual way.

so that she could use it, and some water spillage is nothing in comparrison.
- it means that you over-reacted and were not aware that you had made a bigger mess than I did, and that you did not clean it straight away. I did not demand that you come and clean it right then, instead I allowed you to be a nice human being so that you could do it when you were ready. I’ve lived with 20 roommates. Roommates make a mess once in a while and forget to clean up.

Secretly I think that Andrea is trying to get me to stand up to her (to Andrea, not to Miriam).
- This is hardly a secret because Andrea reads my blogs, and she wants me to stand up to Andrea, and not to you, because Andrea insists that I stand up for myself against everyone. Trust me, she is perfectly aware that I defend myself against anyone when it is necessary, including my parents and girlfriend.

Andrea likes to vent, likes her fights and likes to spar every now and then.
- You began with “I want to slap you in the face” and Andrea quickly jumped in with sarcasm, and you lost all control and began shouting. You may have thought that you were in the middle of a fight, but Andrea and I never thought so. Luckily for you that you have never had to fight her. She would win. No doubt. I’ve seen you fighting and I’ve seen her. She scares me. You don’t. You are as scary as an athsmatic mouse wearing a santa’s hat (and as ridiculous and amusing too!).

But then she admits that I'm a cool guy,
- Andrea admitted this.

very easy to get along with, and that I don't worry about the unimportant stuff.
- Because a little bit of water on the table is not important enough to call someone out of their room to clean it up. I also don’t worry that you’re moody and angry. I also don’t worry that your feelings were hurt.


That was the bulk of the blog in question.

Miriam, as soon as Magda arrived in the house, you brought up the blog, your anger at me and tried to convince Magda that I was a liar. You also tried to show her that the blog featured Magda as well, and that it was all bad, but it wasn’t. When you could not find anything incriminating against her, you tried to assure her that I was a terrible person for writing about you. You tried to turn her against me, but it didn’t work. She now thinks that you are crazy and when she read my blog she thought that everything I had written about you was true.

The whole point of this very long blog is that: if you had been mature enough to talk to me, say that you were offended by what you read, I would have happily deleted those entries. But you acted in such a childish way that I’m now laughing at you and at your insecurities. Next time: just relax, and remember that you have openly complained about others, and therefore people will be likely to openly complain about you. Deal. You were also so sure of your understanding of English, but you missed every little point completely.



Finally, and unfortunately, one of my other roommates was brought into the fight, and for that I am sorry. I’m afraid that I may have offended him. To him, I apologise completely. He is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and he has been very friendly with everyone I’ve introduced him to. He is really a great guy, and I do feel bad that he’s now annoyed with me, since he was the sweetest guy to live with.