An Investment Tip

I have at my disposal a moment of either sheer-terror, or comedy gold. Either way it’s at my expense.

Letter 1:
Urgent - Final Notice

Letter 2:
Important: Late Payment Fee Increase

Letter 1:
Our records indicate that your account is still overdue. Unless payment is received within 14 days, we will cancel your mobile service and refer your account to our Collections Agent to recover this debt. You will be liable for any costs incurred in the process, in addition to your outstanding account.

Letter 2:
Dear Customer, here at Evil Incarnate we prefer not to charge you for stuff if we can help it, however due to increases in our operating costs our Late Payment fee is rising from $5 to $10.

Letter 1:
A default will be lodged against your name with the consumer credit reporting agencies. This listing may affect your ability to obtain credit for the next 5 years.

Letter 2:
To avoid any misunderstanding, your current bill enclosed will attract the increased late payment fee if it is not paid within 23 days of the due date.

Letter 1:
To avoid any further action being taken on this account, please pay your account immediately.

Letter 2:
Now here’s a way to avoid that nasty late fee altogether: Simply pay by the due date, or with so much to organise these days, consider the convenience of Direct Debit. Direct Debit, sleep easy.

I originally selected Direct Debit so many years ago, and at first was miffed that it wasn’t processed. Now I realise that it has saved me getting screwed by out of $200. After all, they’re still sending me bills for a service which was cancelled last year.

I’ll also mention that in between letters 1 and 2 I called Evil Incarnate, blew a small fortune on skype in the process (a small fortune in student terms, which equates to more than the price of a Big Mac meal), and promptly had the situation resolved with me owing nothing and them agreeing that I owed them nothing. Kinda wish I had a reference number for the phone call, but I don’t.

But still I’ve received another bill….

I really should invest in Debt Collection Agencies. They seem like a recession-proof gold mine.